I Don't Want to Live in a World...

...where I have to take antidepressants to "cope". Do you?

It just doesn't make sense. These days, as the number of people who seem to take antidepressants become the majority, it seems that it goes so much farther than addressing a "chemical imbalance". In fact, it seems to be the quick fix remedy for a world that has just gotten too be too much.

idolaqq

This idea alone is depressing enough for me.

My husband and I have been talking about my going back on the meds, which I am pretty adamant about NOT doing. He's still being really supportive and doesn't pressure me about it, but he has gently brought it up a couple of times. As I said in my last post, I've been having a tough time.

What I'd like to know is what happened??? How was I doing SO well, and then not well at all?

For one thing, I have decided to dig deep and really, I attribute it a lot to the Holidays. Based on that alone, I've decided to wait this out until after the Holidays and see where I stand. Yes, it's been that bad.

I also know that it has to do with something therapists have been telling me for years- stay away from coffee and alcohol.

DAMN DAMN DAMN.

I started with the coffee again about a month ago- I love coffee, both the taste and the ritual of it. I dearly missed it. But looking back, once I started on it again (even in the smallest amounts), BOOM! The anxiety was back. I also noticed that "energy boosting green tea" gave the the debilitating anxiety as well. Black tea seems okay, at least. But I'm not British and the same kind of love is just not there.

And the alcohol. I drink it and wake up the next day with-yet again-the anxiety...and even worse depression to boot. This makes me so sad, because booze and I have a dear love affair. I miss it.

Which brings me to #3...I'm very, very bored now that I don't have my vices. It's just a lot of me, and even more children...and not a lot of additional adults to break it up. I don't socialize much (reference said kids) and I do little else besides deal with my "responsibilities": the kids and my job. I need something to break it up. I am suffocating without an outlet. So much so that some days, when I get that additional email about something that has to do with work that needs to be addressed immediately, or if a child starts yelling about yet another thing, I totally lose it. I no longer have my 5 o'clock wine to cushion that irritation. And I don't have the coffee to get me pumped in the morning.

I fear that I'm going to have to turn to exercise. This terrifies me because that means that I'll have to wake up a little earlier in the morning (which SUCKS because sleep is now my last and final remaining vice) to do so while my husband is around.

*sob*

Going back on antidepressants would definitely be a lot easier than all of this, wouldn't it?

But that's not my style, and life ain't easy.